Open Letter

Dear Overly Affectionate Couple,

First, question. Did you really have to go to the same New Year's party as me? I mean you are sort of good together, partly because of the fact that you both seem a little weird but it works in your favor. And it was fine when you made out when the clock struck twelve, it's a weird american tradition but hey it works! It was even okay when you made out on the couch for most of the night. But I do think a line needs to be draw somewhere. When I woke up to hear that people had sex during the night is when you crossed it.
I think it's fine you like each other enough to have sex, your seniors in high school who am I to stop you. But did you really need to have it at a New Year's party, under your friend's pool table, with other people in the room? Was that necessarily?
I get it. It was her birthday, got to have the birthday sex early in the morning. But you couldn't have found a room? Snuck out to your car and done it in the back seat? Even waited until you were at one of your own house?
But instead you just had to have each other right then and there. Under a pool table. Oh so romantic.
But maybe I am just jealous. I hope that one day a boy loves me enough to my love to me at a party with 40 other people under a pool table. Or maybe if I am really lucky a ping pong table.
People who were down stairs at the time of the crime say they saw exposed body parts they wish they hadn't. Your just lucky I decided to move upstairs to sleep. If I saw you doing it I maybe would have to be "that person" and interrupted to kindly ask you to re locate.

Sincerely,
Party Goer