As a person, I am sure I am surprising and complex at points but it is hard for me to look at it objectively so I never know when I am being complex or surprising. Over the past nineteen years and 10 months I feel like I have developed a perception of myself. A thought in my head, how I see myself, and generally I assume people see me in a similar light. Sometimes I might dwell too much on the overly socially awkward, self-conscious, shy middle schooler I was, but I know I have changed from then and my perception of myself HAS changed I have come to wonder if it has changed enough.
I made the realization today that I do not think some people see me the way I see myself. Last night while talking to my roommates, I mentioned I was an introvert, they sort of laughed and disagreed. "I feel like you have a lot of extrovert characteristics, I don't see you as an introvert at all." Through other comments I realized that my close friends see me totally differently than I do. Which leads to the real question, who is right?
Am I a shyish introvert with some socially awkward tendencies who loves to have fun, make connections with others and be simply ridiculously sometimes because I don't have much shame.
Or am I actually a outgoing extrovert who is charismatic and enthusiastic. Who will not shut up and shares whatever I think.
Or maybe a combination of both?
I don't know whether my realization is more unsettling or comforting....
Do I have a chance to rethink about who I am and maybe get rid of some of the things I didn't like about a past me? Or do I loss parts of who I am that I really liked and wish I was still like? Or even does it suck that after almost 20 years my friends know who I better than I am? Or are all my friends just blind idiots? (I am guess it's not the last one... Well at least the idiot part, maybe they are just blind.)
All I can do know I guess is go on a quest of self discovery? Or just ponder because who really has a time for a quest when there are exams on protist and fungi to study for??
This is such a great post. I think both opinions are equally important, as it is different the way you see yourself than the way others see you.
ReplyDeleteNeither is more correct, per se; both have their valid qualities.
In my mind, you are more extroverted, but I can also see some introvert qualities. Either way, you are hilarious, thoughtful, and seriously one of the best people that I know :)