Slacking like a champ

I am such a slacker. Shall we make a list of the the reasons why!? Why not :)

1. I haven't written a blog post in forever
2. I haven't even looked at blogger in forever (besides reading Taylor Shiff's speech for graduation, which she linked to facebook so it's was super simple...) so I am really behind on blogs! well Kira's...
3. I am behind on reads for chem and physics... which isn't a huge deal, but still! What else have I been doing with my life, I could be keeping up
4. I still have not started (**SIDE NOTE. I just sneezed REALLY loud... it scared me...**) revising my spanish composition due tomorrow at 9:55am (it's currently 1:01 (A PALONDROM) and it's not like I am in a huge rush to start, aka the reason for this blog post)
5. I haven't watched Gossip Girl, or any of my shows (HIMYM, bones, psych, etc) in forever
6. For the past, going on three weeks now, I haven't really done homework on Wednesday or Thursday night... (maybe motivation is what I need) 
7. I am really good at distracting myself so I don't do productive things... 
8. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!?

Well on that note. 

I just feel so lazy and unproductive lately and lack consisted motivation (meaning I go through stretches of doing stufff and then I get days like today where... I have done nothing... GRANTED I did start class at 7:45am had a 2ish hour lunch break where I ate lunch and sat outside reading chem notes for my quiz I had this afternoon while people told me that I listen to weird music... and then I didn't get home until after 8pm. SO I did do stufff today. Just not homework. Like this composition (the spanish one, see #4)! But it's annoying! I just want to power through until finals and then enjoy the summer after I have done well in classes! BUT NO. My mind and body apparently think this is not a good plan and are all "no let's not focus and finish your homework. Studying? What's that?? LET JUST WING IT." Grrrrrrr mind. stoppppppp. AND it doesn't help that I have been in a weird mood for the past TWOISH weeks... Which is annoying on it's own! And it's an inconsistent weird mood... It's a mix of being grumpy, more rude, semi sassy, a tad less talkative, a little more tired and a mix of other emotions I just don't even know... I was trying to figure out why I haven't totally been myself and what was up with the mood changes and I feel like it sort of has to do with stress and school and everything but I am not totally sure... Right before spring break I failed a physics test. Technically curved it was a BC or C (BC is a B- or something... I don't know Madison is weird, it confuses people, I DIDN'T MAKE THE SYSTEM) but it was a 55%. So I failed. And that was dumb. I was super mad at myself (/am still frustrated). Physics sucks. Or I suck at physics. Or a combo of both but probably just the latter. Since I am not doing as well in that class as I want to be and I am also not doing as well in chem as I want to be, I sort have been worrying about that... I've been trying to work harder in them and I have stayed in more to work on school stuff (though I normally just get distracted and go on youtube etc. so it's pointless). I actually did okay on my last chem test! It was a grade I was happy with and I think I can get an AB in the class which is good :) But I didn't even do much better on my last physics test... Though the curve was 10 points lower which is helpful... It's just discouraging... ALSO I just all of the sudden decided to change my mind and not double major in Spanish and not study abroad for a year and just do fall semester junior year and be open to going somewhere English speaking and not just Spanish speaking. It was super random. I was just "no. I am not doing this life plan anymore. Let's find a new one." Which for me, is sort of super weird... Spontaneity is great but I don't have it when it comes to things like this... It took me like three days to mentally prepare for taking home my box from Mixed Media 1! It's not even like it was that big (in size)! Last week I was super into figuring out what I was going to do with my life and looked into new study abroad programs etc. but now I've mellowed a little. Though I was stressing/ freaking about that for a bit... Oh and I forgot that I have the classes figured out that I am gonna take next year and I think it's gonna be hard and I am not totally excited for them.... Though with my change of heart about Spanish makes my spring semester will be a bit easier. My mom was also freaking out about my schedule and telling me I should change it or drop something and it was REALLY annoying/more stressful since I have to take everything I am taking to not fall more behind, especially since studying abroad for any amount of time is gonna set me back. (GRIFFIN'S HOME (my neighbor who is never home. It's always exciting when we see him because we never see him... and no one knows him...)) So I feel like all of that just manifested and has made me in a weird mood. This is also the first time I have talked it all out so hopefully this post will be helpful for my soul. It's a bummer though, I feel bad that I have been more grumpy etc... My friends have said stuff, and some of it I am just teasing and they take the wrong way (which I guess is still an issue, but a separate one) but I think my mood is affecting them in a negative way... I try to apologize though and say I am just not myself right now. Though it might be a direct affect of my mood, or something I am making up because of my mood but I also feel like they have started to be more mean to me too. I just noticed it the last few days but they are all teasing me more and not just like cute every now and then teasing that is obviously teasing (that I appreciate and think is cute and participate in) but teasing teasing like "oh that's how you feel I'll just go sit in the corner by myself because I don't know how to respond and I am not feeling this conversation." I am probably just being melodramatic, because that has also been a common emotion (or reaction? what is melodramatic?) of the past few weeks... 

WELL ANY WHO. It's been over an hour. and I should probably actually do homework. or make a vlog... ;) this was definitely a diaryish entry... so sorry if it's awk. I should probably delete a lot of it but that sounds like a lot of work and it was sort of nice to type it all out :) Hopefully I go back to my normal Jenna self soon! The ADD has obviously not gone away ;) #seeallthoserandomcommentsinmypost