You think you know someone...

People are complex and interesting beings. I am always surprised and enchanted by the people around me; one of the reason I love them. Hearing about peoples live experiences and their point of views fascinate me. 

As a person, I am sure I am surprising and complex at points but it is hard for me to look at it objectively so I never know when I am being complex or surprising. Over the past nineteen years and 10 months I feel like I have developed a perception of myself. A thought in my head, how I see myself, and generally I assume people see me in a similar light. Sometimes I might dwell too much on the overly socially awkward, self-conscious, shy middle schooler I was, but I know I have changed from then and my perception of myself HAS changed I have come to wonder if it has changed enough. 

I made the realization today that I do not think some people see me the way I see myself. Last night while talking to my roommates, I mentioned I was an introvert, they sort of laughed and disagreed. "I feel like you have a lot of extrovert characteristics, I don't see you as an introvert at all." Through other comments I realized that my close friends see me totally differently than I do. Which leads to the real question, who is right? 

Am I a shyish introvert with some socially awkward tendencies who loves to have fun, make connections with others and be simply ridiculously sometimes because I don't have much shame. 

Or am I actually a outgoing extrovert who is charismatic and enthusiastic. Who will not shut up and shares whatever I think. 

Or maybe a combination of both? 

I don't know whether my realization is more unsettling or comforting....

Do I have a chance to rethink about who I am and maybe get rid of some of the things I didn't like about a past me? Or do I loss parts of who I am that I really liked and wish I was still like? Or even does it suck that after almost 20 years my friends know who I better than I am? Or are all my friends just blind idiots? (I am guess it's not the last one... Well at least the idiot part, maybe they are just blind.)

All I can do know I guess is go on a quest of self discovery? Or just ponder because who really has a time for a quest when there are exams on protist and fungi to study for?? 

My Soap Opera Scene

Know the part in TV shows or movies, when one of the love interest finally opens up to the other love interests and says all their flaws so their lover can take them or leave them? I have been watching Grey's Anatomy (I just started it, I am on season 2. Surprisingly amazing! I am obsessed already), trust me it happens.

So I was thinking, what would I say? What are my take it or leave its?

I am opinionated, honest and indecisive. I procrastinate everything, school or otherwise. I have awful study skills. I play to many games on my phone. I am social awkward and say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don't know what I want. And I don't shower everyday, sometimes I smell funny.

Then my big handsome lover looks into my eyes and kisses me. Because he accepts me and my quirks.

Or he looks into my eyes sadly lowers he's head. Maybe mumbles "I'm sorry," and walks away.

Story book ending. I don't think that is what happens in real life, well maybe the second. But what do I know.

Random Though #6

Loincloth is such a great word! I need to start using this more... We should bring loincloths back in style!

Hello my name is Jenna, Jaguar Jenna

Kira gave a lovely introduction to herself; leaving out the fact she is an excellent gift giver. She ended wanted to know more about us. So here it goes...

Hi, my name is Jenna.
I'm a shy, introvert who is social awkward but friendly. My friends don't believe them when I tell them this because I am a whole lot of crazy with buckets of goofy thrown in. When I am comfortable around you, watch out.

I love to laugh. I find myself ridiculously funny and spend a majority of the day laugh at myself. I love other people's laugh. I love funny people. You get the picture. (And while I love people who think I am funny as well I also love people who don't think I am funny and don't take my crap. I liked to be humbled when necessary.)

I find people fascinating. I want to know everything about them. I am also terrified of people. Crowds make me anxious. I don't like to be in the way.

I collect postcards, quarters, and the president gold dollars. I used to have a big rock collect but I only have a few now. I am also a hoarder. I don't like to throw things away. My bulletin board at home has things from before 3rd grade on it. I don't take things off of it. Only add.

I have a (completely rational) fear that bugs will crawl in my ear and lay eggs while I am sleeping.

I love to read and write but I am not very good at either. I am a better at math and science. But I am still not very good at them. I am of very average intelligence but I like to think otherwise.

When I encounter a area code I don't know I like to look them up. I want to learn them all one day. Or at least know what state the phone number is from by seeing the area code.

I want to travel the world. Anywhere and everywhere I can touch, I want to be there. I want to go to all 50 states by the time I am 50. I have been to 39 so far. Along with that, I wish I knew every languages. I am learning Spanish, but I'm not very good.

I am extremely self conscious about everything. But I am self conscious of my self consciousness so I try to hide it whenever I can.

I decided that I want a hedgehog. They are soooo cute. Hedgehog in spanish is erizo. 

That me. Jenna. Take it or leave it.

We missed out.

I found an article on buzzfeed, "10 graduation speeches that will inspire and move you." While studying or taking a study break I have been watching/listening to all of them. They are all really interesting and each give me multiple new things to think about.

I think back to our commencement. I think about the speeches we heard upon graduating from high school and am utterly disappointing... I don't mean to be insulting and I am not saying that we chose bad speeches. But looking back I honestly don't remember what two of them were about. The third was about how failure doesn't exist which was a bunch of bull. Failure totally exists. I am pretty sure I failed all of my physics exams last year.

When I hear this speeches, they leave me with something to remember and think about. Granted they are from adults who lived more life than we had when we are giving our speeches at the end of high school. Granted most of them are famous, successful adults who worked hard and fought through adversity to get where they are in their career. But I can't help but wonder. What would I have wished the speeches had been about? If I had gotten off my fat, lazy ass, what would I have said in my commencement speech? What knowledge did I gain from high school? What do I need to know to make it through college/the years after high school?

You are probably think, "Cool Jenna, good thoughts. Now let's hear it! What would your commencement speech be like, what would you say?"

And to that I say.... [If you can't beat them, join 'em...] (Jk... That was a Bo reference though...)

I have an O-chem exam tomorrow.... Well actually later today, so..... I am going to go study for that... But stay tuned. I do want to write my own commencement speech. In due time.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/h2/fbsp/strayeruniversity/10-graduation-speeches-that-will-inspire-and-move-you

I wish, I want, I wail

I wish I were smarter. More focused. More efficient.

I wish my ever ending pile of work would disappear. And I would know all the information it contains.

I want to be better. To learn. To focus. To get work done.

But I don't.

Instead I fester in my own frustration. Wishing and wanting to do better. Be better.

All I can do is putter along. Hope that the work won't overwhelm me in a way where I shut down and become even more unproductive than my average self.

All I can do is hope that I learn all that I need to. Read the necessary chapters. Do the necessary assignments. At the very least by class rolls around, or the day of the exam.

But the work never ends. Whether I blame it on being a science major or my unbelievably awful study habits. It is what it is.

Life moves on.

A Peak into my Life #1

I started to add to my grocery list in google search because I am too lazy to go get the list and I don't want to forget! I am currently search for chicken nuggets vs. hot dogs. #SPOILER If the price is right I am going to buy them both.

Random thought #5

How awesome is it that a state who voted on banning gay marriage turned around and legalized it 6 months later?! I couldn't be more proud of the change in heart of Minnesota! It's a piece of good news, that gives me at least one good thing to think about amid all my finals....

Random Thought #4

Thrash is a good word. I should say it more. As of now I am going to try to make it have a regular appearance in my vocabulary.

Random Thought #3

I wonder how strong your legs would get if you hovered every time you went to the bathroom... I bet they would get tone.

Random thought #2

Silent study den's aren't the best place to drink out of a camelbak... 

Promise I am not farting! It's just my waterbottle!!

Random though #1

I have a theory that once  you become sexual active you have a pregnancy scary every month.

P.s. This has not been personally tested so maybe I should call it a hypothesis.

THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC (even the title is FAT)

I have just come to a conclusion.

There are no facts to back it, I don't know if it's possible or plausible. The idea popped into my head and it seems logical in the moment so I am going to publish it for the world to see. Why not!?

America's "obesity epidemic" has been the talk of the town for a while now. We are getting fatter! Now that it has come to our attention the government and everyone is trying to find a way to stop (and reverse) it. Our attention turned to New York as they looking into passing laws limiting the sugar in food (I believe it had to do with soda... but it could have also been candy or food in general and I don't know exactly what came of the proposals... Like I said I haven't done my research...). My dad sent me an article (a while ago but I just sort of looked through it today) talking about the role the government should play in fighting obesity.

The ways I have heard of the government fighting obesity, similar to New York, is taxing or trying to regulate unhealthy foods. This is where my idea comes into play.

Instead of banning or limiting the unhealthy food out there (since indulging and eating unhealthy food in moderation isn't necessarily that bad for you) the government should try to help make healthy food more accessible and affordable. As a college student, it would be great to have a fridge filled with fresh produce and healthy snacks but when a green pepper cost $3 at my local grocery store it's just not possible. When I look at healthy foods in the store they always seems more expensive.

Being healthy is hard!! I worked out today but I can't say I work out as much as a should... I try to eat fruits and veggies but it's expensive! (and fries and pizza might taste goodddd....) But the government telling me what foods I CAN'T eat isn't going to make me make the healthy choice. Stubborn me is simply going to find other unhealthy foods to eat and add another teaspoon of sugar to my soda.

Right now, my view on how the government should deal with the "issue of obesity" would be to help us be able to more easily live a healthy life! I am thinking something along the lines of helping make fruit and vegetables and other healthy food easier for us to eat (but I will give them creative ability on this one).

Maybe I will actually do real research on this topic, (since it is interesting!) and write an educated post... But for now... :)

VLOGGG just for you. And my procrastination. :)

Slacking like a champ

I am such a slacker. Shall we make a list of the the reasons why!? Why not :)

1. I haven't written a blog post in forever
2. I haven't even looked at blogger in forever (besides reading Taylor Shiff's speech for graduation, which she linked to facebook so it's was super simple...) so I am really behind on blogs! well Kira's...
3. I am behind on reads for chem and physics... which isn't a huge deal, but still! What else have I been doing with my life, I could be keeping up
4. I still have not started (**SIDE NOTE. I just sneezed REALLY loud... it scared me...**) revising my spanish composition due tomorrow at 9:55am (it's currently 1:01 (A PALONDROM) and it's not like I am in a huge rush to start, aka the reason for this blog post)
5. I haven't watched Gossip Girl, or any of my shows (HIMYM, bones, psych, etc) in forever
6. For the past, going on three weeks now, I haven't really done homework on Wednesday or Thursday night... (maybe motivation is what I need) 
7. I am really good at distracting myself so I don't do productive things... 
8. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!?

Well on that note. 

I just feel so lazy and unproductive lately and lack consisted motivation (meaning I go through stretches of doing stufff and then I get days like today where... I have done nothing... GRANTED I did start class at 7:45am had a 2ish hour lunch break where I ate lunch and sat outside reading chem notes for my quiz I had this afternoon while people told me that I listen to weird music... and then I didn't get home until after 8pm. SO I did do stufff today. Just not homework. Like this composition (the spanish one, see #4)! But it's annoying! I just want to power through until finals and then enjoy the summer after I have done well in classes! BUT NO. My mind and body apparently think this is not a good plan and are all "no let's not focus and finish your homework. Studying? What's that?? LET JUST WING IT." Grrrrrrr mind. stoppppppp. AND it doesn't help that I have been in a weird mood for the past TWOISH weeks... Which is annoying on it's own! And it's an inconsistent weird mood... It's a mix of being grumpy, more rude, semi sassy, a tad less talkative, a little more tired and a mix of other emotions I just don't even know... I was trying to figure out why I haven't totally been myself and what was up with the mood changes and I feel like it sort of has to do with stress and school and everything but I am not totally sure... Right before spring break I failed a physics test. Technically curved it was a BC or C (BC is a B- or something... I don't know Madison is weird, it confuses people, I DIDN'T MAKE THE SYSTEM) but it was a 55%. So I failed. And that was dumb. I was super mad at myself (/am still frustrated). Physics sucks. Or I suck at physics. Or a combo of both but probably just the latter. Since I am not doing as well in that class as I want to be and I am also not doing as well in chem as I want to be, I sort have been worrying about that... I've been trying to work harder in them and I have stayed in more to work on school stuff (though I normally just get distracted and go on youtube etc. so it's pointless). I actually did okay on my last chem test! It was a grade I was happy with and I think I can get an AB in the class which is good :) But I didn't even do much better on my last physics test... Though the curve was 10 points lower which is helpful... It's just discouraging... ALSO I just all of the sudden decided to change my mind and not double major in Spanish and not study abroad for a year and just do fall semester junior year and be open to going somewhere English speaking and not just Spanish speaking. It was super random. I was just "no. I am not doing this life plan anymore. Let's find a new one." Which for me, is sort of super weird... Spontaneity is great but I don't have it when it comes to things like this... It took me like three days to mentally prepare for taking home my box from Mixed Media 1! It's not even like it was that big (in size)! Last week I was super into figuring out what I was going to do with my life and looked into new study abroad programs etc. but now I've mellowed a little. Though I was stressing/ freaking about that for a bit... Oh and I forgot that I have the classes figured out that I am gonna take next year and I think it's gonna be hard and I am not totally excited for them.... Though with my change of heart about Spanish makes my spring semester will be a bit easier. My mom was also freaking out about my schedule and telling me I should change it or drop something and it was REALLY annoying/more stressful since I have to take everything I am taking to not fall more behind, especially since studying abroad for any amount of time is gonna set me back. (GRIFFIN'S HOME (my neighbor who is never home. It's always exciting when we see him because we never see him... and no one knows him...)) So I feel like all of that just manifested and has made me in a weird mood. This is also the first time I have talked it all out so hopefully this post will be helpful for my soul. It's a bummer though, I feel bad that I have been more grumpy etc... My friends have said stuff, and some of it I am just teasing and they take the wrong way (which I guess is still an issue, but a separate one) but I think my mood is affecting them in a negative way... I try to apologize though and say I am just not myself right now. Though it might be a direct affect of my mood, or something I am making up because of my mood but I also feel like they have started to be more mean to me too. I just noticed it the last few days but they are all teasing me more and not just like cute every now and then teasing that is obviously teasing (that I appreciate and think is cute and participate in) but teasing teasing like "oh that's how you feel I'll just go sit in the corner by myself because I don't know how to respond and I am not feeling this conversation." I am probably just being melodramatic, because that has also been a common emotion (or reaction? what is melodramatic?) of the past few weeks... 

WELL ANY WHO. It's been over an hour. and I should probably actually do homework. or make a vlog... ;) this was definitely a diaryish entry... so sorry if it's awk. I should probably delete a lot of it but that sounds like a lot of work and it was sort of nice to type it all out :) Hopefully I go back to my normal Jenna self soon! The ADD has obviously not gone away ;) #seeallthoserandomcommentsinmypost

Writing Assignments that Never Were

"Ahhhhh!"

What the heck? What is she doing? What happened!!!???!


I look over to a girl Spanish class waving her notebook around like an idiot. She was up out of her desk freaking out about God knows what.

Does she always have to be so dramatic? Seriously, take a chill pill. 

It turns out there was some sort of bug on her notebook.

Come on! Is it really that big of a deal? It's just a little bug, I deal with them all the time when I am out in the wilderness fishing. No big deal. Grow a pair will you. Well I guess she is a girl so that saying doesn't totally work... But still! Stop screeching in my ear!! 

"Are you okay?" I ask, a hint of distant in my voice.

"Sorry, there was a bug... It scared me. Lo siento."

"Yeah I could tell..." I whispered under my breath.

"What did you say?" She asked in response.

"Oh nothing," I replied, "back to Spanish?"

"Yeah of course" she said as we turned back to our work.

* * *

Remember when, I believe it was Fatima, assigned us the blog post that was supposed to be how someone else in your class viewed you? Well better late then never they always say :) I had started this a while ago and now I don't really remember what happened so I just made stuff up and made it short... But now I can say I completed the assignment!

I Wanna Stay Up All Night

During their time at college, students have many rites of passage to experience. One important rite, however dreaded, is the "all nighter." Of course no night full of studying and lack of sleep is complete without ample coffee and other caffeinated beverages. 

I have to admit, this week I did not give myself enough sleep and found myself reaching for another soda to keep awake. But what are the consequences of drinking caffeine? 

Some say a couple caffeinated beverages a day won't do any harm. The Mayo Clinic Staff agrees that two to four cups of coffee isn't the end of the world but you do have to be careful with caffeine. It effects everyone differently and some people can grow dependent on it. Too much caffeine intake can cause insomnia, irritability, nervousness,  restlessness, and physical reactions such as increased heart rate and upset stomach. In college especially, these side affects can make life more difficult and less enjoyable. 

When it is coming up to four o'clock in the morning and you are about to reach for that coke, stop and think about the other ways you could stay awake. Though caffeine is an easy and convenient way to get an extra boost of energy, there are other, more natural, ways to get that same boost.

For example, when you are beginning to doze off, shake yourself awake and try some yoga breathing techniques. This might seem a little silly at first, but it can be a good way to regain your focus and be able to power through the rest of your work. A quick 20 minute power nap can also help get you re-energized. The short break from your studies can do wonders; it gives you a little bit of your much needed rest along with helping your brain get ready to do some more work when you are done. The last tip I have for you, my personal favorite, is play some upbeat music. It gives you more energy and can improve productivity.  I understand that not everyone is able to focus when listening to music. However, I can tell you from experience, sometimes it is helpful to simply take a short break from your work and dance on a table to "Live While You're Young" by One Direction. After the quick three minutes you will be ready to power through your essay before the sun rises!

Sharing Your Opinion or Brutal Attack?

It is good to be politically informed and I respect people who have strong believes and opinions about issues that affect us all. When it comes to the political spectrum I am pretty moderate and take my stand depending on what the issue is. To be honest, I don't know enough about a lot of topics and am not informed enough to have a strong opinions about them.

One issue that I know where I stand is gay marriage. It's a human rights issue to me and it seems like there is no reason two men or women shouldn't be able to get married.
With that being said I respect people who disagree with me and have the opposite view (on this issue and any other). What I don't like, and what I think hurts the cause, are extremist who attack the other sides view and make it seem, that because they think something different, they are stupid and dumb. 

While I was on facebook today I saw this picture:

While I agree that many of the religious reason people think gay marriage shouldn't be legalized don't always make the most sense everyone is initiated to there own religious believes and I understand the importance of being religious. The way this poster is worded seems awfully disrespectful to me. I am filled with mixed emotion, on one hand I do agree that homosexuality is in NO way sinful, the point of the poster. But on the other hand the flow map is telling people that their religious beliefs are completely invalid in a snarky and disrespectful way. The points could be written in a more respectful way to help make the argument more persuasive. It just kills me to see this because it turns a good thing, supporting gay rights, into a disrespectful attack on others beliefs. This isn't the way to get people to change their mind, especially when, things like religious beliefs are deep rooted and are unlikely to change. Unfortunately  many people who are against homosexuality because of religious reason or because they think it is gross aren't going to just change there mind like that and an attacking sassy statement like this just cause more tension and conflict that help. I wish people, especially those with strong believes, could step back for a second and but themselves in the other sides shoes. Then maybe we could have civil conversations and resolve issues like this more reasonable... 

Hopefully one day we will be able to talk civilly and find a solution to this issues. Until then we will just have to work to be respectful and let majority rule.....

Speaking of posts I never published... Look what I found... This is SUPER OLD... First semester senior year old......

I was going to vlog because it sounded really fun but I don't have the time and energy to figure out how my dad's webcam works, etc. But similar to what my vlog would have been like I will talk about the first thing that comes to my head...

Dog food really is disgusting.

It smells so badddd. Whenever I feed my dog I hold my breath to try and block out as much of the grossness as possible. Unfortunately for me I am neither a swimmer or a singer so I can't hold my breath for very long... I have never been daft enough to try dog food but I bet it is one of those foods that tastes exactly how it smells. Blech. I don't know how my dog eats that stuff! I guess it's just a matter of eating what your served. Thankfully we don't give him wet food, just dry, because wet dog food is one of the grossest thing ever.

We used to dog sit for our old neighbors. The last time we watched him we had to give him half wet food because he was medicated and would only eat his pills if we mixed it in with wet food. I wanted to barf every time I saw or smelled it. And my mom put in into a tuperware in the refrigerator, so it was right next to all the food I ate. Blechhhhhhh it was so icky! I have heard that dogs prefer wet food. Too bad for my dog, I am not about to get him any.

My dog is awesome but I will spoil him in other ways than fancy food.

19 Days.

19 days is all it took and now its official. Homesick. It's an interesting word but for those who have felt the feeling, it describes it perfectly. To feel physical and mentally sick, for the only cure to be back home with friends and family that you know and love. Though for many of us who have gone of to college we realize when we do come home nothing will be exactly the same. I wasn't sure if I was going to feel homesick. I knew I would miss my dog and my friends. I assumed I would miss my family at times but I had no idea if I would feel the overwhelming feeling homesickness the way I did. I have been really luck to live in a dorm with people I get along with a feel like I'm connecting with and can become good friends with. But even so I miss the familiarization of being with the same people I have know for years. The feeling hit me when I was in Rosh Hashana services. The service was similar to what I knew but yet so very completely different and I didn't like it. I wanted my Rabbis and my melodies and my synagogue. Then that evolved into wanting to sleep in my bed, hang out with my friends and be in my house. But change is inevitable and probably easier when you just embrace it instead of fighting it. No matter how far you go, everyone feels homesick sometime in your life. But it passes and it will be interesting to see, maybe over the summer I will become homesick for Madison... Only time will tell! I will keep you posted :)


Also, I really like how I have an idea for a blog post. Start writing it. And then never edit or post it so it just sits as a draft until weeks later I finally finish and post it... :)