You think you know someone...

People are complex and interesting beings. I am always surprised and enchanted by the people around me; one of the reason I love them. Hearing about peoples live experiences and their point of views fascinate me. 

As a person, I am sure I am surprising and complex at points but it is hard for me to look at it objectively so I never know when I am being complex or surprising. Over the past nineteen years and 10 months I feel like I have developed a perception of myself. A thought in my head, how I see myself, and generally I assume people see me in a similar light. Sometimes I might dwell too much on the overly socially awkward, self-conscious, shy middle schooler I was, but I know I have changed from then and my perception of myself HAS changed I have come to wonder if it has changed enough. 

I made the realization today that I do not think some people see me the way I see myself. Last night while talking to my roommates, I mentioned I was an introvert, they sort of laughed and disagreed. "I feel like you have a lot of extrovert characteristics, I don't see you as an introvert at all." Through other comments I realized that my close friends see me totally differently than I do. Which leads to the real question, who is right? 

Am I a shyish introvert with some socially awkward tendencies who loves to have fun, make connections with others and be simply ridiculously sometimes because I don't have much shame. 

Or am I actually a outgoing extrovert who is charismatic and enthusiastic. Who will not shut up and shares whatever I think. 

Or maybe a combination of both? 

I don't know whether my realization is more unsettling or comforting....

Do I have a chance to rethink about who I am and maybe get rid of some of the things I didn't like about a past me? Or do I loss parts of who I am that I really liked and wish I was still like? Or even does it suck that after almost 20 years my friends know who I better than I am? Or are all my friends just blind idiots? (I am guess it's not the last one... Well at least the idiot part, maybe they are just blind.)

All I can do know I guess is go on a quest of self discovery? Or just ponder because who really has a time for a quest when there are exams on protist and fungi to study for?? 

My Soap Opera Scene

Know the part in TV shows or movies, when one of the love interest finally opens up to the other love interests and says all their flaws so their lover can take them or leave them? I have been watching Grey's Anatomy (I just started it, I am on season 2. Surprisingly amazing! I am obsessed already), trust me it happens.

So I was thinking, what would I say? What are my take it or leave its?

I am opinionated, honest and indecisive. I procrastinate everything, school or otherwise. I have awful study skills. I play to many games on my phone. I am social awkward and say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don't know what I want. And I don't shower everyday, sometimes I smell funny.

Then my big handsome lover looks into my eyes and kisses me. Because he accepts me and my quirks.

Or he looks into my eyes sadly lowers he's head. Maybe mumbles "I'm sorry," and walks away.

Story book ending. I don't think that is what happens in real life, well maybe the second. But what do I know.

Random Though #6

Loincloth is such a great word! I need to start using this more... We should bring loincloths back in style!

Hello my name is Jenna, Jaguar Jenna

Kira gave a lovely introduction to herself; leaving out the fact she is an excellent gift giver. She ended wanted to know more about us. So here it goes...

Hi, my name is Jenna.
I'm a shy, introvert who is social awkward but friendly. My friends don't believe them when I tell them this because I am a whole lot of crazy with buckets of goofy thrown in. When I am comfortable around you, watch out.

I love to laugh. I find myself ridiculously funny and spend a majority of the day laugh at myself. I love other people's laugh. I love funny people. You get the picture. (And while I love people who think I am funny as well I also love people who don't think I am funny and don't take my crap. I liked to be humbled when necessary.)

I find people fascinating. I want to know everything about them. I am also terrified of people. Crowds make me anxious. I don't like to be in the way.

I collect postcards, quarters, and the president gold dollars. I used to have a big rock collect but I only have a few now. I am also a hoarder. I don't like to throw things away. My bulletin board at home has things from before 3rd grade on it. I don't take things off of it. Only add.

I have a (completely rational) fear that bugs will crawl in my ear and lay eggs while I am sleeping.

I love to read and write but I am not very good at either. I am a better at math and science. But I am still not very good at them. I am of very average intelligence but I like to think otherwise.

When I encounter a area code I don't know I like to look them up. I want to learn them all one day. Or at least know what state the phone number is from by seeing the area code.

I want to travel the world. Anywhere and everywhere I can touch, I want to be there. I want to go to all 50 states by the time I am 50. I have been to 39 so far. Along with that, I wish I knew every languages. I am learning Spanish, but I'm not very good.

I am extremely self conscious about everything. But I am self conscious of my self consciousness so I try to hide it whenever I can.

I decided that I want a hedgehog. They are soooo cute. Hedgehog in spanish is erizo. 

That me. Jenna. Take it or leave it.

We missed out.

I found an article on buzzfeed, "10 graduation speeches that will inspire and move you." While studying or taking a study break I have been watching/listening to all of them. They are all really interesting and each give me multiple new things to think about.

I think back to our commencement. I think about the speeches we heard upon graduating from high school and am utterly disappointing... I don't mean to be insulting and I am not saying that we chose bad speeches. But looking back I honestly don't remember what two of them were about. The third was about how failure doesn't exist which was a bunch of bull. Failure totally exists. I am pretty sure I failed all of my physics exams last year.

When I hear this speeches, they leave me with something to remember and think about. Granted they are from adults who lived more life than we had when we are giving our speeches at the end of high school. Granted most of them are famous, successful adults who worked hard and fought through adversity to get where they are in their career. But I can't help but wonder. What would I have wished the speeches had been about? If I had gotten off my fat, lazy ass, what would I have said in my commencement speech? What knowledge did I gain from high school? What do I need to know to make it through college/the years after high school?

You are probably think, "Cool Jenna, good thoughts. Now let's hear it! What would your commencement speech be like, what would you say?"

And to that I say.... [If you can't beat them, join 'em...] (Jk... That was a Bo reference though...)

I have an O-chem exam tomorrow.... Well actually later today, so..... I am going to go study for that... But stay tuned. I do want to write my own commencement speech. In due time.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/h2/fbsp/strayeruniversity/10-graduation-speeches-that-will-inspire-and-move-you

I wish, I want, I wail

I wish I were smarter. More focused. More efficient.

I wish my ever ending pile of work would disappear. And I would know all the information it contains.

I want to be better. To learn. To focus. To get work done.

But I don't.

Instead I fester in my own frustration. Wishing and wanting to do better. Be better.

All I can do is putter along. Hope that the work won't overwhelm me in a way where I shut down and become even more unproductive than my average self.

All I can do is hope that I learn all that I need to. Read the necessary chapters. Do the necessary assignments. At the very least by class rolls around, or the day of the exam.

But the work never ends. Whether I blame it on being a science major or my unbelievably awful study habits. It is what it is.

Life moves on.

A Peak into my Life #1

I started to add to my grocery list in google search because I am too lazy to go get the list and I don't want to forget! I am currently search for chicken nuggets vs. hot dogs. #SPOILER If the price is right I am going to buy them both.